This blog was written on the 10th of September, because I don’t turn on my computer on the 11th. Every year on that day, I avoid the internet, and I request that no one turns on the TV in our household.
Tomorrow is 15 years to the day, but I don’t care if it’s the 15th, 17th or 38th anniversary. I don’t need to say what it’s the anniversary of, or what happened that day. We all know what day it is, and what happened that day. As far as I’m concerned, nothing more needs to be said – in fact too much is being said this time of year.
It’s my angry day. My angry time of the year. And almost everything I see and read this time of year just seems to make me angrier and angrier, so I try to block out all unnecessary noise, especially on the 11th. I don’t “celebrate America” this time of year. I don’t mourn the fallen. I don’t think of the soldiers or my precious freedoms. And I don’t need anyone telling me to do any of that. I just try to get through the day without succumbing to my rage.
I’m a New Yorker – from New York City. A lot of my fellow New Yorkers will feel the same way and this little online rant is my preemptive strike. It’s aimed at everyone who won’t shut up about that day, and especially anyone who has ever co-opted what still feels like a personal trauma, for their own fucking agenda:
- Fuck you people of Facebook for posting pictures of the burning towers on your feed, telling me to “Never Forget.” I wish I could forget. Maybe you can post autopsy photos too? So we don’t forget! Inconsiderate vultures.
- Fuck you Florida Walmart for putting up a huge Twin Towers coca cola sales display. Fuck you Walmart for being Walmart and selling guns to rednecks, and monetising a national fucking tragedy. Fuck you Florida for being the place every stupid fucking thing in the country happens in. Fuck you to anyone making money off this.
- Fuck you to every British person who’s ever asked me “How was September 11th for you?” with an inquisitive smile on their face, as if you’re asking me about a surprise birthday party, or that you just discovered we watched the same TV programme together many years ago. You insensitive, ignorant fuckers.
- Fuck you to every Guardian journalist writing an opinion or perspective piece today. Hell – fuck every journalist writing about September 11th to try to “put it into perspective.” Here’s my perspective: you’re motherfuckers who should be able to contain your contempt for America for just this one day.
- Fuck you if you’ve ever used the phrase “chickens coming home to roost.” Fuck your chickens too.
- Fuck you to Rudy Giuliani, who pops up this time of year talking about how he saved New York City, when history shows his bad decisions contributed to the loss of life that day.
- Fuck me for having voted for that idiot Giuliani. I apologise for being such a dumb fucker.
- Fuck Fox News, I have no idea what kind of jingoistic memorial bullshit they air each year on this date, as I’d never watch that shit, but I guarantee it’s an offensive fuck-fest.
- Fuck you if you think Iraq had anything to do with September 11th. You complete igno-fucking-ramus.
- Fuck you to every pro-torture Republican. You don’t get to be both pro-fucking torture and anti-fucking terrorism.
- Fuck you to the Department of Homeland Security for your huge airport bureaucracy theatre that literally never stopped or caught a single fucking terrorist.
- Fuck you to every police officer who ever interrogated a tourist taking pictures with a lecture about “we can’t be too careful with all this terrorism.” Yes, you can be too careful. Terrorists don’t need to take iPhone pictures to attack things, you dimwitted fuckwad.
- Fuck you if you live in Montana or somewhere shitty like that and you’re worried about terrorism. Terrorists don’t ever want to bomb your shitty, shitty town and I don’t ever want to live somewhere so shitty and boring that terrorists wouldn’t ever consider bombing it. I’d rather be a fucking target.
- Fuck you to all the conspiracy theorists. No- jewish people did not get advance warning. Fuck you, you anti-semitic fucker. No, it wasn’t a false flag, controlled demolition, you “look at me, I’m not a sheep like you” attention-seeking piece of human excrement.
- Fuck you if you’re on social media complaining about “western media” today and how it isn’t concerned enough about deaths in other parts of the world. Do you go to family funerals and accost mourners how they should also shed tears for flood victims in Southeast Asia? Smug fucker.
- The biggest fuck you of all to anyone reading this and thinking to yourself: ‘He seems angry at everyone except the muslims who did this.” You don’t understand at all, and you never will. In fact, you have a lot more in common with the fuckers who committed this atrocity, than with victims. Fuck you.
The only person who doesn’t get a big fuck you today is one particular priest, a soft-spoken man, who 15 years ago, gave a homily in a small church in downtown Manhattan that was packed with angry people like me. People traumatised and confused and wanting comfort, but also revenge. Many of us went into that church hoping for a little fire and brimstone. Our anger was justified and our pain and fear felt like an open wound. Instead of an invitation to holy war though, we received an agenda-free homily that was all about control, and our lack of it. How we couldn’t change or control the evil things that other people do…. How there would always be fuckers out there, and that giving in to our anger, arguing with these fuckers, telling them fuck off, fighting them, or fucking killing them – how it might feel satisfying in these moments, but that it was all a losing proposition.
He said that all a person can do, in the wake of such evil, and such tragedy, is to make sure that you yourself weren’t being a fucker too. How being angry, and telling people to fuck off just escalated all the general fuckery around you and increased the chances of turning other people into fuckers too. And pretty soon, everyone would be a fucking fucker.
Well, maybe that’s not how he worded it exactly, but that’s how I heard it.
To this day, I’m still trying to take what he said on board. At this time of year especially – I feel like maybe I haven’t done so well with it. But I thank you Father Michael, for trying to impart this lesson to me, just when I needed to hear it most.
Everyone else, you can fuck off. At least until the 12th.