An ode to Wetherspoons: The beating heart of Britain

If you’re not British, you may be forgiven for asking: “What is a Wetherspoon?”
It’s a chain of pubs, but it’s also so much more than that.

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Love Actually is actually full of sh*t, and Boris Johnson may be bumbling, but he’s no Prime Minister Hugh Grant

The year is 2003. The British Prime Minister, in love with a junior staff member in his administration witnesses her being sexually harassed by a boorish American President. Soon after, at a press conference, the British politician shows great courage and resolution as he publicly rebukes this bullying Yank. In the process, he charms everyone in […]

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Britain in 1975 and America in the 1950s – the good old days (before foreigners ruined everything)

Britain and America are in trouble. There are few jobs left for natural born citizens. They’ve mostly been taken by foreigners. At least that’s what politicians like Boris Johnson and Donald Trump keep telling us.   In the UK, the Brits will soon vote on whether to leave the EU so they can start closing their borders, especially to refugees […]

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British people and Italians? Fuggedaboutit!

Hey British people. What’s the matter with you?  You got like a million Italian restaurants in this country. You wear Italian clothes, some of you drive Italian cars. Italian perfume. All of that crap.  Yet not one of you mamalukes seems to know the first goddamn thing about Italy or Italians. I can not even count the […]

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Apparently British sex-tourism to America is a thing. A gross thing.

There is currently an ad campaign running throughout the UK, urging British people to visit Las Vegas. The selling point isn’t the city’s gambling, entertainment or glitz. Instead, it is promoting the possibility that, in Las Vegas, your British accent will come across as sufficiently interesting and exotic, for you to be able to entice some naive and un-worldly […]

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The twist ending: How Britain can learn to stop worrying and love Donald Trump

I love Donald Trump.  I love him for what he’s accomplishing. He’s doing something truly great. Something very necessary and long overdue. But there is a twist. Wait for it….  Donald Trump is not loved in Britain, because they don’t see the twist and they don’t understand the good work that he’s doing. They misinterpret his […]

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Arseholes of England: A compendium of characters best avoided

I urge you to take note of my experiences and observations, which have been gained at great cost. It is for you and your benefit that I have created, compiled and categorised this comprehensive compendium and catalogue of English Arseholes.

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English Football Manager or Bond Villain?

Have you ever noticed how much football managers in the English Premiere League look like James Bond villains? Well I have…. One is the retired coach of the Croatian national squad, currently having an unexpectedly good season leading West Ham United. The other is an industrialist and aerospace engineer, intent on depopulating the earth via a […]

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American politicians make British people happy – by saying dumb things

There are two things that make British people happier than anything else:  Americans attempting to do British accents, poorly.   This blog has already covered this in great depth, most notably in one of my very first posts: “Dick Van Dyke: Britain’s most beloved hero.” If you don’t feel like clicking through, all you need to know […]

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The British love “Friends” more than the French love Jerry Lewis

“It’s the reunion we can’t stop talking about!““Best news ever!““We are still struggling to contain our excitement!“ British newspapers and websites were recently aflutter with news of a potential reunion of the cast from 1990s American television sitcom Friends. It seemed to be all anyone was talking or writing about. I have no idea if the […]

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