Random trans-Atlantic claptrap

Living in Muslim Europe: A chain letter to send your Fox News watching parents

Recently, I received a call from my parents, checking that I was okay, in the wake of the recent terrorist attacks in Paris. I was a bit confused, as France is generally considered to be an entirely different country from Britain- the country I live in. But apparently mom and dad had been watching a lot of Fox News, and the network had been running segment after segment about Europe’s Muslim problem. 

Believe it or not, other UK-based expat friends of mine received similar calls from their own Fox News-watching parents.

So for the benefit of anyone else living in Europe, with parents back home in the states, I offer the following description of “what it’s like living in Muslim Europe” that you can send home to reassure them. It’s in convenient chain letter format, because that’s like basically the same as Twitter for conservative American parents.*

* UPDATE: I sent this to my parents and here is the entirety of the response from my dad (it will help if you picture this being shouted):

\Are you kidding me?         

Please forward this letter to everyone you know in America that has a son or daughter living in Europe:

Dear mom and dad,

I know you worry about me, but I just want to reassure you that I’m doing okay. The events in France hit a little too close to home- the only thing separating us from them is the English channel, a couple hundred miles, a different language,  some strict border crossings, a different system of government and an entirely different culture. It’s really hard to have something like that happen right in your own back yard !

As you know, Europe is being overrun with Muslims, where entire cities like Birmingham now are “no-go zones” for non-muslims like me. But don’t worry, I’m not going to convert just to visit Birmingham, ha ha!

But there are a LOT of accommodations that we do for the Muslims here in London (and the rest of Europe) that I thought I would tell you about, so you could see that they’re not so bad.

Of course you already know about the ban on students learning about the holocaust in Britain, and about the town in Belgium where the Muslims demanded that pork be banned from school lunch menus. But did you know that Muslim nurses in England’s socialized medicine system are exempt from washing their hands! Something about preserving their modesty. Don’t worry, I don’t plan on getting sick, but if I do, I’ve got private insurance.

If you think it’s bad over here, it’s even worse in Australia, where they’ve banned Christmas lights to not offend the Muslims. Talk about a war on Christmas! I learned about all of these in chain letters like the ones you sometimes forward to me. Keep them coming! There’s another good source for more information on getting along with the Muslims that I’ve been following called #foxnewsfacts.

What Europe (and America) really need is a strong leader like Russia’s Vladimir Putin. He really knows how to stand up to the Muslims, unlike Barack Hussein Obama, if you know what I mean!

But until we get a real American like him in charge, I want to reassure you that it’s really not so bad over here. Non-Muslims in my neighborhood don’t have to actually heed the daily calls to prayer, we just kind of keep away from the mosque so we don’t offend anyone with our infidel presence until prayers are over.  And I don’t think those proposed Sharia laws about all women being covered up with burqas are going to pass -yet. There’s still a sizable minority of non-Muslims here and life is pretty good as long as you keep your Christianity more or less to yourself.

So what can you do to help me?

Keep watching Fox News, and keep forwarding those helpful and informative chain letters you’ve been sending me. The BBC and other European “news” sources are really biased, and don’t tell the truth about what’s going on over here. Sometimes those chain letters are the only ways we have of getting any real information.

Also- I hate to ask- but you know that we pay about 75% of our salaries in taxes here in Europe- most of which goes to the socialized medicine, and to pay for special benefits for Muslim immigrants… that leaves me very little money to pay for halal food, (I am sooo sick of eating lamb!)  So if you could you know, send me some money, or at least a care package with some pork products, that’d be great !

Love, your son or daughter

Comments

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4 thoughts on “Living in Muslim Europe: A chain letter to send your Fox News watching parents

  1. Hi Billy, big fan of your blog, I’ve been reading for a few months now, I wanted to (and should have) comment earlier (no facebook, remember?!), but I take the occasion now. Some (most) of the stuff on Faux News is truly mind blogging, but there’s light at the end of the tunnel: fewer and fewer people watch that garbage (the average viewer is 69 after all); I’ve been in the US five years, in an area near where Lou Dobbs and Neil Cavuto live, but I have yet to encounter someone who freely admits watching that pseudo-channel. The real recent tragedy of American TV is the end of the Colbert report…

    1. You’re an expat yourself Andrea. Feel free to contribute something to Expat Claptrap, from the other perspective (someone adjusting to living in America). Email me your thoughts… we can put together a blog post !

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