Random trans-Atlantic claptrap

Britain has no volcanoes, alligators or bears: An expatriate risk assessment

The UK may not be perfect, but it has one sizable advantage over the USA- there are far fewer things here that are out to kill you. For example, there has never been a shark-related fatality off British coastal waters. That alone is reason to consider emigrating from America, where shark attacks are nearly as common as mosquito bites. Speaking of which, some mosquitoes in the USA carry West Nile Virus, which can also kill you. And did you know that California averages around 1 or 2 fatal mountain lion attacks every year? And then there’s tornadoes in the midwest, avalanches in Colorado, volcanoes in the US Pacific Rim… in fact there are so many more ways you can be killed by something in the USA, that it’d be impossible to list them all. But I’m going to try anyway as a public service- as no one has ever before attempted to do an international  risk assessment for expatriates contemplating relocating from the US to the UK.

Below is a table, where I assign a value from 0 to 10-  to deadly risks associated with living in each country. A score of 0 means there is no risk of death. The higher scores indicate more risk. Any risk above 5 and you should consider extensive life-saving preparations, such as keeping a supply of anti-snake venom on you at all times, installing a ring of bear-traps around your home, or wrapping yourself in cotton wool, whichever is most appropriate to the danger. 

 arrrgh

Thing that might kill you UK USA
Hurricane 0 8
Tornado 0 9
Earthquake 0 7
Flood 2 5
Volcano 0 2
Mudslide 1 4
Wildfire 0 6
Blizzard/cold exposure 1 6
Avalanche 0 4
Fire 3 3
Heat wave/heat exposure 1 9
Lightning 2 3
Spider 0 4
Scorpion 0 2
Snake 0 4
Bear 0 6
Alligator attack 0 5
Mountain lion attack 0 4
Shark attack 0 6
Gored by a bull at a rodeo 0 2
Murder by gun 1 8
Murder by other means 2 5
Killed by police 1 7
Car accident  2  6
Riot or insurrection 3 3
Ebola virus 0 1
 TOTAL* 19 skull

* The totals are adjusted for population. I’ve left out causes of death that are equivalent in both countries, such as most diseases and illnesses. Many accidents are also roughly equivalent-you are no more or less likely to choke on food, or drown in a swimming pool in the US than in the UK.

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