American claptrap, British claptrap, Uncategorized

Britain in 1975 and America in the 1950s – the good old days (before foreigners ruined everything)

Britain and America are in trouble. There are few jobs left for natural born citizens. They’ve mostly been taken by foreigners. At least that’s what politicians like Boris Johnson and Donald Trump keep telling us.   In the UK, the Brits will soon vote on whether to leave the EU so they can start closing their borders, especially to refugees… Read More Britain in 1975 and America in the 1950s – the good old days (before foreigners ruined everything)

British claptrap, Uncategorized

British people and Italians? Fuggedaboutit!

Hey British people. What’s the matter with you?  You got like a million Italian restaurants in this country. You wear Italian clothes, some of you drive Italian cars. Italian perfume. All of that crap.  Yet not one of you mamalukes seems to know the first goddamn thing about Italy or Italians. I can not even count the… Read More British people and Italians? Fuggedaboutit!

British claptrap, Uncategorized

The British love “Friends” more than the French love Jerry Lewis

“It’s the reunion we can’t stop talking about!““Best news ever!““We are still struggling to contain our excitement!“ British newspapers and websites were recently aflutter with news of a potential reunion of the cast from 1990s American television sitcom Friends. It seemed to be all anyone was talking or writing about. I have no idea if the… Read More The British love “Friends” more than the French love Jerry Lewis

British claptrap, Uncategorized

Angry in the UK: How to make a British person mad

A while back, I wrote a blog post “How to express enthusiasm like an American.” But I feel this is only half of the equation. British people aren’t only loathe to show enthusiasm, they’re also just as reticent to display anger. I don’t mean to say that British people don’t feel anger. They certainly do – they… Read More Angry in the UK: How to make a British person mad

Random trans-Atlantic claptrap, Uncategorized

Common-platz: Seen one European city, seen ’em all

I live in Europe. In London, to be precise. That makes me a European. Europe is better than America because it is filled with diverse countries and cultures. Right?  For example, one of the big advantages of being a European is that you can visit other European cities so easily. For me, Paris is only 40… Read More Common-platz: Seen one European city, seen ’em all

Random trans-Atlantic claptrap, Thanksgiving, Uncategorized

Britain just doesn’t get Thanksgiving

Dear Britain, Thanksgiving is a big meal where you eat turkey with your family and think about what you’re thankful for. It’s not complicated. But you just don’t seem to get it. I tried explaining it to you. Last year, I wrote a comprehensive, day by day, moment by moment guide to Thanksgiving for British people.… Read More Britain just doesn’t get Thanksgiving

American claptrap, Uncategorized

CHEEZ GLORIOUS CHEEZ! British people try American spray cheese

All Americans eat cheese out of aerosol cans.  This is what British people seem to believe. I discover this every time I make the mistake of announcing some mildly critical comment about British cuisine. The response is usually: “You have no right to talk, you Yanks eat cheese out of aerosol cans!” This exchange has happened… Read More CHEEZ GLORIOUS CHEEZ! British people try American spray cheese

British claptrap, Uncategorized

That’s Numberwang! 9 British things that make no sense

One of my favourite TV shows in the UK is the comedy programme “That Mitchell and Webb Look.” They do a sketch about an incomprehensible game show called Numberwang. You can’t ever really tell if you’re winning or losing Numberwang, or even what the rules are. The host will occasionally randomly shout out “That’s Numberwang!” to end a round, or when he’s arbitrarily… Read More That’s Numberwang! 9 British things that make no sense