British claptrap, Uncategorized

Questions Americans ask you about living in England – and how to answer them

We’re back home, visiting America at the moment, and we’re having to reply to the usual volley of questions from friends and relatives about what it’s like living in England. (They never ask about ‘Britain’, because no one in the USA understands the difference between Britain and England.) The questions are always the exact same, and… Read More Questions Americans ask you about living in England – and how to answer them

American claptrap, Uncategorized

Teaching my kid American values: a video that has been years in the making

We’ve been living in the UK around 11 years. Our daughter was born and raised here.  She’s an American citizen, but she’s not really American. Not in the ways that count. This weekend they’ll be celebrating the fourth of July back home, and I’ve been missing the USA a lot lately. I wanted to show my… Read More Teaching my kid American values: a video that has been years in the making

British claptrap, Uncategorized

How to pass for English – to avoid being verbally abused in a post-Brexit society

If you’re an expat like me, you’re sure to have noticed that since Britain voted to leave the EU, there have been a lot of news reports about hate speech directed against foreigners.  You need to know how to protect yourself. Here are some tips for passing yourself off as English, so you can pass through… Read More How to pass for English – to avoid being verbally abused in a post-Brexit society

British claptrap, Uncategorized

I’m sorry Britain. Everyone now thinks you’re stupid. We know how that feels.

Dear Britain: This is a terrible time for you, and I want to offer my support. I know that 52% of you are celebrating the decision to leave the EU. But it’s the other 48% I’m worried about. As an American, I know how you feel – how frustrating it all must be. Not only… Read More I’m sorry Britain. Everyone now thinks you’re stupid. We know how that feels.

British claptrap, Uncategorized

Britain’s got talent (for self destruction)

If you follow this blog, you’ve probably noticed that I target British people with my satire a bit more than I do Americans. This is because: America is already frequently satirised by British people and British media. I live here in the UK – and the things that i think are funny/annoying that I encounter every day are… Read More Britain’s got talent (for self destruction)

American claptrap, Uncategorized

Polite notice: Britain, please stop stealing our culture. Signed – America

Look I get it, American culture is awesome. Who wouldn’t want to partake in it? There’s a reason that Hamburger joints are popping up all over London – Hamburgers taste great! There’s also a reason that action and superhero films make more money in the UK than any other genre- those movies kick ass!  And there’s… Read More Polite notice: Britain, please stop stealing our culture. Signed – America

British claptrap, Uncategorized

Don’t order the nachos Charlie Brown!

You will never have good nachos again if you move to Britain.  Never.  Anyone who has moved here from the USA can attest to the fact that this is a nacho-deficient country. A sad, lost place where nachos exist in appearance, but their true essence and appeal is somehow lost. We expats shuffle through our lives here, ordering… Read More Don’t order the nachos Charlie Brown!

British claptrap, Uncategorized

Love Actually is actually full of sh*t, and Boris Johnson may be bumbling, but he’s no Prime Minister Hugh Grant

The year is 2003. The British Prime Minister, in love with a junior staff member in his administration witnesses her being sexually harassed by a boorish American President. Soon after, at a press conference, the British politician shows great courage and resolution as he publicly rebukes this bullying Yank. In the process, he charms everyone in… Read More Love Actually is actually full of sh*t, and Boris Johnson may be bumbling, but he’s no Prime Minister Hugh Grant