Random trans-Atlantic claptrap

Black Friday: images for you to feel smug about

Today is Black Friday, the day when Americans make asses out of themselves, after the serenity of Thanksgiving. They crowd stores, acting, according to Britain’s Daily Mail, like animals, in a mind-boggling display of avarice and chaos that is repeated every year. Here’s some Black Friday images for you to feel smug about. Please do… Read More Black Friday: images for you to feel smug about

Random trans-Atlantic claptrap

A test for spotting a British person posing as an American

During the Battle of the Bulge, Germany equipped a squad of a few hundred English-speaking soldiers in captured allied uniforms, and sent them out to penetrate America’s front lines. To prepare for this assault, the Germans worked on their accents, and studied American idioms. For a while, these infiltrations were very effective- causing confusion and… Read More A test for spotting a British person posing as an American

Random trans-Atlantic claptrap

Americans are brain damaged. Dodgeball is to blame.

America is a harsh, and maybe even a savage place. We have a higher percentage of our population in prison than any other country. We have a violent crime rate that dwarfs that of Western Europe. We engage in military campaigns around the world with alarming regularity. Our politics are rough and tumble, representing people… Read More Americans are brain damaged. Dodgeball is to blame.

Random trans-Atlantic claptrap

Britain has no volcanoes, alligators or bears: An expatriate risk assessment

The UK may not be perfect, but it has one sizable advantage over the USA- there are far fewer things here that are out to kill you. For example, there has never been a shark-related fatality off British coastal waters. That alone is reason to consider emigrating from America, where shark attacks are nearly as… Read More Britain has no volcanoes, alligators or bears: An expatriate risk assessment

Random trans-Atlantic claptrap

Why the British hate Halloween. (It’s not just because it’s too ‘American.’)

Each year, Halloween becomes a little more popular in the UK, and each year, right around this time, British newspapers and websites fill up with vitriolic condemnations of the holiday. Here’s some of the given reasons for this opposition: Halloween is too American (commercial and vulgar). It’s a license for children to ‘beg’ and misbehave.… Read More Why the British hate Halloween. (It’s not just because it’s too ‘American.’)

Random trans-Atlantic claptrap

Are they right? Does America suck?

Here are some of common negative perceptions about America that you’ll become familiar with if you live abroad: The USA is a nation of morbidly obese fatties who eat only junk food, with processed cheese that comes out of a spray bottle often being cited as a favourite. Racial injustice and prejudice in America are… Read More Are they right? Does America suck?

Random trans-Atlantic claptrap

Little English girls are creepy… especially my daughter.

The Shining is often cited as being the scariest film ever made. It’s interesting to note that the most frightening moment in the movie isn’t the rivers of blood flowing out of the elevator of the Overlook Hotel. It isn’t Scatman Crothers getting murdered by axe-wielding maniac Jack Nicholson. The scariest moment in the scariest… Read More Little English girls are creepy… especially my daughter.

Random trans-Atlantic claptrap

American football schadenfreude

Living abroad means giving up on watching American football. It’s not shown on TV, and it’s not played anywhere outside of the USA. But there’s an upside to this, because frankly, I’ve always found American football to be a dull joke. The games take nearly four hours to play and the players wear 30 pounds… Read More American football schadenfreude

Random trans-Atlantic claptrap

Fanny fanny fanny fanny… there, I hope you had a good laugh!

It’s not always easy being an American expat. There isn’t a manual, but maybe there should be. As a matter of fact, if I was “Minister in Charge of Helping New American Expatriates,” my very first action would be to rearrange arrivals procedures at Heathrow airport. No longer would Americans be greeted by signs welcoming… Read More Fanny fanny fanny fanny… there, I hope you had a good laugh!

Random trans-Atlantic claptrap

Dick Van Dyke- Britain’s most-beloved hero. No, really.

There is no person who has ever lived, who is as important to modern Britons as Dick Van Dyke. Not William Shakespeare, not Winston Churchill, not Charles Darwin… I swear that I am not in the least joking: the American actor Dick Van Dyke has done more to define and uplift the modern people Britain… Read More Dick Van Dyke- Britain’s most-beloved hero. No, really.