American claptrap, British claptrap

New York doesn’t love you back

For more than three years, I wrote this blog about being an American expat living in Britain. (Editor’s note – this blog is mostly retired. Head over to dothewrongthing.com for new posts). Despite all my time abroad, I never became an expert in “expat stuff.” You wouldn’t want me giving you advice on filing your… Read More New York doesn’t love you back

British claptrap, Uncategorized

Questions Americans ask you about living in England – and how to answer them

We’re back home, visiting America at the moment, and we’re having to reply to the usual volley of questions from friends and relatives about what it’s like living in England. (They never ask about ‘Britain’, because no one in the USA understands the difference between Britain and England.) The questions are always the exact same, and… Read More Questions Americans ask you about living in England – and how to answer them

British claptrap, Uncategorized

How to pass for English – to avoid being verbally abused in a post-Brexit society

If you’re an expat like me, you’re sure to have noticed that since Britain voted to leave the EU, there have been a lot of news reports about hate speech directed against foreigners.  You need to know how to protect yourself. Here are some tips for passing yourself off as English, so you can pass through… Read More How to pass for English – to avoid being verbally abused in a post-Brexit society

British claptrap, Uncategorized

I’m sorry Britain. Everyone now thinks you’re stupid. We know how that feels.

Dear Britain: This is a terrible time for you, and I want to offer my support. I know that 52% of you are celebrating the decision to leave the EU. But it’s the other 48% I’m worried about. As an American, I know how you feel – how frustrating it all must be. Not only… Read More I’m sorry Britain. Everyone now thinks you’re stupid. We know how that feels.

British claptrap, Uncategorized

Britain’s got talent (for self destruction)

If you follow this blog, you’ve probably noticed that I target British people with my satire a bit more than I do Americans. This is because: America is already frequently satirised by British people and British media. I live here in the UK – and the things that i think are funny/annoying that I encounter every day are… Read More Britain’s got talent (for self destruction)

British claptrap, Uncategorized

Don’t order the nachos Charlie Brown!

You will never have good nachos again if you move to Britain.  Never.  Anyone who has moved here from the USA can attest to the fact that this is a nacho-deficient country. A sad, lost place where nachos exist in appearance, but their true essence and appeal is somehow lost. We expats shuffle through our lives here, ordering… Read More Don’t order the nachos Charlie Brown!

British claptrap, Uncategorized

Love Actually is actually full of sh*t, and Boris Johnson may be bumbling, but he’s no Prime Minister Hugh Grant

The year is 2003. The British Prime Minister, in love with a junior staff member in his administration witnesses her being sexually harassed by a boorish American President. Soon after, at a press conference, the British politician shows great courage and resolution as he publicly rebukes this bullying Yank. In the process, he charms everyone in… Read More Love Actually is actually full of sh*t, and Boris Johnson may be bumbling, but he’s no Prime Minister Hugh Grant

American claptrap, British claptrap, Uncategorized

Britain in 1975 and America in the 1950s – the good old days (before foreigners ruined everything)

Britain and America are in trouble. There are few jobs left for natural born citizens. They’ve mostly been taken by foreigners. At least that’s what politicians like Boris Johnson and Donald Trump keep telling us.   In the UK, the Brits will soon vote on whether to leave the EU so they can start closing their borders, especially to refugees… Read More Britain in 1975 and America in the 1950s – the good old days (before foreigners ruined everything)

British claptrap, Uncategorized

British people and Italians? Fuggedaboutit!

Hey British people. What’s the matter with you?  You got like a million Italian restaurants in this country. You wear Italian clothes, some of you drive Italian cars. Italian perfume. All of that crap.  Yet not one of you mamalukes seems to know the first goddamn thing about Italy or Italians. I can not even count the… Read More British people and Italians? Fuggedaboutit!