American claptrap

Information and guides to America and American life, tailored for our British cousins

New York doesn’t love you back

For more than three years, I wrote this blog about being an American expat living in Britain. (Editor’s note – this blog is mostly retired. Head over to dothewrongthing.com for new posts). Despite all my time abroad, I never became an expert in “expat stuff.” You wouldn’t want me giving you advice on filing your […]

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Teaching my kid American values: a video that has been years in the making

We’ve been living in the UK around 11 years. Our daughter was born and raised here.  She’s an American citizen, but she’s not really American. Not in the ways that count. This weekend they’ll be celebrating the fourth of July back home, and I’ve been missing the USA a lot lately. I wanted to show my […]

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Polite notice: Britain, please stop stealing our culture. Signed – America

Look I get it, American culture is awesome. Who wouldn’t want to partake in it? There’s a reason that Hamburger joints are popping up all over London – Hamburgers taste great! There’s also a reason that action and superhero films make more money in the UK than any other genre- those movies kick ass!  And there’s […]

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Britain in 1975 and America in the 1950s – the good old days (before foreigners ruined everything)

Britain and America are in trouble. There are few jobs left for natural born citizens. They’ve mostly been taken by foreigners. At least that’s what politicians like Boris Johnson and Donald Trump keep telling us.   In the UK, the Brits will soon vote on whether to leave the EU so they can start closing their borders, especially to refugees […]

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The twist ending: How Britain can learn to stop worrying and love Donald Trump

I love Donald Trump.  I love him for what he’s accomplishing. He’s doing something truly great. Something very necessary and long overdue. But there is a twist. Wait for it….  Donald Trump is not loved in Britain, because they don’t see the twist and they don’t understand the good work that he’s doing. They misinterpret his […]

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American politicians make British people happy – by saying dumb things

There are two things that make British people happier than anything else:  Americans attempting to do British accents, poorly.   This blog has already covered this in great depth, most notably in one of my very first posts: “Dick Van Dyke: Britain’s most beloved hero.” If you don’t feel like clicking through, all you need to know […]

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Choice: An American-only option

I have a cold. My nose is runny, my eyes itch and I feel tired. So I have taken some Lemsip. Lemsip is a lemon-flavoured powdered cold medicine that you put in a cup, pour hot water over and then drink. That’s what you do when you have a cold in the UK. That’s what […]

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I denounce Donald Trump! And some other stuff that needs denouncing!

There’s a lot of denouncing going on, and a lot of people calling for other people to denounce things. Apparently if you are a member of any group, ethnicity or political party where someone else in that group has done something bad, if you don’t denounce them, you are personally responsible for everything they do […]

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CHEEZ GLORIOUS CHEEZ! British people try American spray cheese

All Americans eat cheese out of aerosol cans.  This is what British people seem to believe. I discover this every time I make the mistake of announcing some mildly critical comment about British cuisine. The response is usually: “You have no right to talk, you Yanks eat cheese out of aerosol cans!” This exchange has happened […]

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Americans is dumb! Or are them? (EDIT: They am.)

*(Editor’s note from 9th November, 2016: “Yes, they am.”) British people believe Americans are stupid.  Not just some Americans. All British people believe all Americans who have ever lived are stupid. Albert Einstein. Noam Chomsky. William Faulkner. Abraham Lincoln. Jonas Salk, Donald Trump. All stupid, because they all are, or were, Americans.  They’re a little less […]

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